Stephen Fry or something.. Apparently he’s some genius and I’ve been living in a cave says the 80 year old man at work. The only way in which I improve my worth is by saying I watched the Australian Open tennis..
“at least you’re semi-cultured!”
—- elderly values [I’m just thankful they didn’t ask about politics or Australian history, their fav topics]
We have extra pineapples at work this week because some aren’t ripe enough to be used, so we have them on the windowsill for the sunlight.
- I have never heard a woman so excited and amused by the 6 pineapples
She told me how many there were, and how crazy it was and how it was just great.. After exclaiming ‘PINEAPPLES GALORE’ she goes back to her friend and starts telling her all about it..
They laughed for a good 5 minutes..
—- they’re bloody pineapples, a fruit.. Really?… Pshh housewives.
MYSELF: we should have dinner with the group this week
PF(poor friend): I’m sorry but I’m really short on cash so I won’t come sorry
MYSELF: hey everyone want to come out this week, I’ll drive to save the hassle of taxis
PF: sorry I have no money so I’ll pass on that one
PF: hey guys, everyone want to play mini putt putt this weekend, it should be fun and we can go for dinner beforehand
MYSELF: isn’t putt putt a bit expensive?
PF: it’s only $15 per person so it’s good
MYSELF: ohh okay but that’s a bit exy, dinner would be cheaper
PF: it’s pretty cheap and since I’m short for cash it’s good, I guess we could do dinner at someone’s house to save cash
— poor friend ends up buying take out while I cook up sausages for myself so I save cash
One week later~
MYSELF: so do you still want to do the project trip that counts towards our credit points at uni in a year’s time
PF: oh I know I was really keen but I really don’t think I have the money..
MYSELF: it’ll only cost about $3,000 and part of it will be on hecs I’m sure, it’s a really good opportunity.. And I thought you wanted to go?
PF: oh I do but I don’t think I would’ve made enough to go…
5 minutes later:
PF: I have an inheritance that’s $5,000 from a grandfather, I want to use it on travel though..
—- so you have no money but you have money which ultimately means…nothing
FRIEND: I feel so fit at the moment, me and friend X are on a health kick and I can already see results!
MYSELF: oh wow that’s great dude, really happy for you. Have you been running and doing circuits or something? Boxing even? How long have you been doing it?
FRIEND: we’ve done it three times and yeah some boxing but also like some soccer
MYSELF: oh cool, that’d be tricky playing one on one, or do you do more running and passing etc?
FRIEND: oh no more like throw ins to each other
MYSELF: … cool.
… Mm throw ins can really take it out of you. Fitness at its finest
FWID (Friend Who Is Dramatic)
MYSELF (Myself)
MYSELF: Oh yeah the traffic control down that side street in area A is so frustrating
FWID: Yes, it sucked so hard when I used to live in area A, it would make getting out and in very tricky!
MYSELF: You lived down there? But I’ve known you from when you were six and you’ve always lived in area B
FWID: well before that I lived in area C for 5 or so months and area A before that so yeah i remember it taking forever!
MYSELF: wouldn’t that make you 5 or younger then, how would you even remember that? We’re talking 13+ years ago I’m surprised they even had that traffic control then?
FWID: well I remember it really well
MYSELF: but you were 5-?
FWID: I do remember it okay it made trips long
MYSELF: really?
FWID: yes! *frustrated glare*
MYSELF: … Trips always took forever when I was little, guess that would’ve made all you’re trips REALLY take forever [carefully backs down]
FWID: mhmm
—-Time prior to schooling is like voided time; children i highly doubt from such age will even notice such factors, but yes I’ll take your word for it.. If that is what will make you not rip my head off prematurely
MYSELF: hey Mikey, come have coffee with me before our exam and we can pretend to be productive
—- After an hour and a half of conversation while drinking coffee discussing Mikey’s unrequited love for my best friend we make our way to the exam —-
MIKEY: so you have any boys you’re into at the moment
MYSELF: well there’s one guy mr.R but I don’t think it’s going anywhere, but oh well, time will tell
MIKEY: oh so that won’t work out then?
MYSELF: probably not, how about you? Girls on the horizon? Other than the obvious..haha
MIKEY: *stands at an awkward distance which makes me wait for him* well you know how can’t choose who you fall for
- I’ve fallen for you
MYSELF: what? Oh? Ohh. Ohh really? Really.. Really? Ohh okay umm
MIKEY: oh it sounds like you’re not very interested
MYSELF: you just caught me off-guard, you’re just a friend, you’re a good guy, I just haven’t thought about you in that way
MIKEY: well you’ve been giving all these signs so I was pretty sure you liked me too
MYSELF: *taken aback* what signs?!
MIKEY: like when you respond to my texts quickly and you told me I need an ‘easy going’ girl, you meant you.
MYSELF: … I meant an easy going girl.. You were in love with my best friend who didn’t reciprocate, I was suggesting a subcategory of women to you, it was pretty general
MIKEY: you meant you, you were giving me signs
MYSELF: I text back quickly generally when I’m doing nothing else, i also text my ex quickly sometimes because I’m doing nothing else, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m interested. I’m sorry if you misinterpreted but I’m just being a friend, you’re a good friend mikey
MIKEY: it’s because of your ex isn’t it?
MYSELF: …no mikey, that wasn’t the point of the analogy
MIKEY: but is it because of him?
…..
[back in the days of the Coles delicatessen]
MYSELF: Hi there, what would you like?
CUSTOMER: Oh I’m good thanks, how are you? *eyes staring at the shaved meats*
MYSELF: ..uh I’m pretty good thanks.
CUSTOMER: Oh sorry I’m not ready yet
MYSELF: No worries, just let me know when you are
CUSTOMER: *speaks louder* I said I’m not ready yet
MYSELF: I understand, just let me know and I’ll help you
CUSTOMER: excuse me?!
MYSELF: yes sir are you ready now?
CUSTOMER: do I need to take a number?
MYSELF: oh no no, I’m ready for you right now, what would you like?
CUSTOMER: *grabs ticket anyway* [number machine is never used and out of sync with tickets] *customer starts frowning at the ticket*
MYSELF: Sir, I can serve you, we don’t really use that machine
CUSTOMER: well of course you don’t, it’s broken
… Mm yes sir
This tumblr account isn’t going to be about posting pictures of skinny anorexic girls or stupidly suggestive life sucks quotes.
This is going to be a tumblr whereby I can attempt to humorously portray the annoying aspects of my life and conversations I have. I have some great people in my life but whose to say that great people can’t make great asses out of themselves from time to time.
Currently I believe that a lot of my somewhat amusing stories are the ones in which I describe the stupidity of my friends..which can sometimes seem a little unfair and harsh. While as other times I find myself creating conversations by light-heartedly being critical of someone I’ve hung out with recently.
As a result of this realisation my new years resolution is to:
- BE LESS CRITICAL OF OTHERS
So far this has been going pretty terribly and I’ve decided this blog will be where I can be critical..somewhat amusingly without passing forward my critical views and can get it off my chest..baby steps here.
- I’m pretty sure these posts won’t be funny to anyone other than myself which assures me that if anyone ever decides to try reading this they’ll probably quickly decide that pretty pictures of the sea with some unrelated motivational quote is more to their liking.
(via jetblackheart)
